Prior to us attending the adoption seminar, I had made an appointment with a Catholic fertility expert. With the Catholic fertility clinic, there would be no IUI or IVF options. Their goal was to get to the root of the problem rather than work around the problem.
This meant more testing and learning the Creighton Model of observing and charting cycles. The doctor we consulted with said it could take months to truly figure out what was going on. Due to the fact that I had lost a fallopian tube, I knew my chances were lower but we were never told the reason for the dismal approximation of a 3% fertility rate. The next step would be to attend a class on the Creighton Model.
Although we had attended the adoption seminar, I still felt as though I needed to forge ahead with trying to have a biological child. I had put the 2 losses on me, I felt as though the blame rested with me and I owed it to my husband to keep trying. I went ahead and scheduled a class for the following week.
The day before the appointment the dam broke, I broke. I was a sobbing, convulsing mess and my husband just held me as it all came out. When I finally calmed down we had a serious talk about our path to parenthood. That night I fell asleep in tears, not sure what the right answer was.
The next day was the appointment. At work that day, I went for a walk and it clicked. I was done. I did not want to go to the appointment, I was done with the specialists, the hormones and the treatments. I was done blaming myself.
I called my husband and let him know my decision. He asked if I was sure. I assured him I was. He suggested we go to dinner that night to talk everything over.
That evening we went to our go-to restaurant, a little neighborhood place. We sat down and got right to the heart of the matter. What we ultimately wanted was to grow our family and having a biological child was one path but not the only one. After many prayers and much research, I felt in my heart that adoption was our path. He had also been thinking seriously about adoption and was realizing the same as well.
About halfway through the conversation, a couple with a child came over. It took a moment for us to place them. Then it hit us, it was a couple from the adoption weekend. They had spoken on the panel about the adoption of their son and how they were in the process of adopting their second child. There they were, a little boy and his parents, a family.
They lived about 40 minutes away but happened to be in our area and randomly picked the restaurant. We chatted a bit and parted ways. I had been praying, praying that the decision we were making was the right one for us, praying for an answer, praying for a sign. There it was.
We sat in silence for a bit and I started crying. For the first time in a long time they were happy tears. We were making the right decision. We were going to adopt.